Sometimes heavy thoughts weigh on my mind, steamrolling anything light and positive. Those times I lose faith and dig in, assuring myself that I can beat the terrible thoughts and overcome them by myself. This has happened this week….an issue has been building up for a couple of years, something I thought threatened me and my family. I bucked hard against the negativity but many times gave in. When I did this my self-esteem plunged, I questioned my life and how it’s going and many things that I’ve always expected to be a certain way.


I cried a lot. I felt so defeated and defensive and uncertain of my future. Through all this tribulation, I forgot who to trust. I didn’t pray. Because of this drastic mistake, the situation in my mind grew to enormous lengths and I hit rock bottom. Not trusting in the creator leads to these doomsday ideas and thoughts. Not praying and believing in Him makes it the end of the world.



Thankfully I talked to my mom and she prayed. We both prayed to God. We prayed for strength, comfort and the ability to knock these low self-esteem thoughts from me. Mom prayed for a sign. She said, “Lord, send Mary a sign that you are listening and you have this situation under control, Amen.”


Lately I’ve prayed for sick relatives and friends. I’ve prayed for many things but not my life nor for myself. I forgot to do this. Then my mom’s prayers opened up those  gates I had put up and allowed me to pray again. I prayed early in the morning over coffee. I  prayed while performing chores. I quietly prayed at night under the silent covers.


This morning I looked over at my June calendar in my kitchen. My dad made this wooden calendar and I decorate it differently every month. On June first I had placed the wooden letters that spell, FAITH on the top. Yet everyday I wrestled with this situation I didn’t even notice FAITH until this morning. Maybe on June first God knew I would battle this and led me to putting up the letters. Maybe not…but I”d like to think he was behind it.

All in all, everything is fine. My marriage is strong and loving, despite my past worries and anxiety. We are happy and strong. We love each other. My inner image is a work in progress. I continue to pray for a strong self-image, for confidence and peace within the depths of my soul.

I thank God for pulling me out of the depths of despair and self-doubt. I am okay and I will destroy the terrible thoughts from my head. Sometimes those negative thoughts take up too much space and I feel the only way to combat it is to pray. Praying restores that sense of peace, a place I wish to be in to live a happy life.

I hope you all are having a great week! This week is my last at school, finishing up on Thursday with a good workshop on Trauma and kids. After that Tom and I have the summer ahead of us, with many exciting adventures. One is our oldest son, Dylan getting married in August.

All My Best,

Heart and Soul

14 thoughts on “Have FAITH

  1. Aww I hope things have continued to improve in your thoughts. It is hard at times to figure out how to deal with issues, but it seems like you have the power of prayer behind you, so that’s a positive sign. Finishing up school is another positive sign, and like you we too have our older daughter getting married in October in New York City. So much happiness and things to look forward to, so I raise a glass to you and me, Cheers and congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Loretta, I am in a positive place now. Maybe I shouldn’t have posted that, don’t want to worry all my blogging friends. Sometimes I forget all the blessings in my life and negative thoughts overshadow it all. How exciting for you…an October NYC wedding!! Enjoy and congrats! Cheers for our children and their weddings! Take Care friend.


  2. I think we always need to try and remember all the good things happening in our lives and how much we have to be thankful for. You seem like such a sweet and caring mother, wife, friend, daughter with a lot of love to give. You work hard and you’re creative – I’ve never met a gardener I didn’t like! I enjoy reading your blog, some posts more than others as I am not a very religious person. So glad you have your mom and your faith 🙂 Think positive of the joy to come with a wedding (grandkids too). Best to you Mary…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. HI Judy, You are so right…we all need to remember all the great things in our lives! I have so many! Sometimes my negative thoughts overplay it all. I’m happy you enjoy my blog and I will have outside and garden posts soon. Most of the summer I am outside in nature and gardening with veggies and now flowers. I look forward to your future recipe posts! Hugs!


  3. Dear. Mary so. Happy you found. Pray. Again. You have a. Wonderful. Mom. And a. Amazing. Husband. Love you. Both. Much. Enjoy. Your. Summer. Goes. Way to. Fast.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love this so much Mary– I fall into the same habit–trying to work things out for myself and sometimes I spiral down into discouragement. Life just seems too hard. Praying puts things back into perspective– reminds me who God is, who much he loves me (amazingly enough!) and who I am to him. We are still in our big legal case and go the court this week. It’s scary, but I know God will be with us in each moment, as we call out to him for help. Love you friend– and your open and honest posts that make us all think. thankful for you Mary. xox

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will continue to include you and Larry in my prayers, that this court dispute end. Love you too and your friendship. I always appreciate your beautiful posts with pictures and the delicious recipes!~ God Bless you.


  5. Oh Mary, I love this post. Thank you so much for sharing your heart felt prayers to God. And I really love your prayers for a confident self-image, and for remembering yourself to peace. It is solace isn’t it?
    Sending you, and your family, so much loving 😊.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. HI Debbie! yes, I felt like I needed to be honest and reflect. Since then I’m looking into different things to help myself. First I’m doing Dawson Church’s Youtube videos. He also wrote a book, Mind Over Matter that I”m going to eventually get. Thanks for your support and love. Blessings to you!


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