Empty Nest Notes

I’m picking up my son today for a quick weekend home before he takes finals. The best part is the entertaining conversations in the car and out to eat. These are precious to me. I think we parents look forward to these times, special one on one time to visit and catch up on happenings. It’s been a stressful time for my son as he’s waiting for admission to Lesley University. I’m anxious to see what the financial aid statement will show and then it’s smooth sailing until he moves in, in the fall.

 

 

When your child goes to college, you still carry their load on your back. You still worry about what happens or what doesn’t. A few days ago my son found out at the last moment in the semester that his college is bankrupt and closing, possibly hosting a sell out to a Massachusetts university. Needless to say, his dreams are interrupted and there’s an unsure road of his college future. What usually takes months of planning, touring, interviewing, sitting in on classes has to take a mere few weeks. His four year scholarship is gone and the financial worry clouds his bright future. Instead of being bitter and calling my attorney, as many parents have, I choose to focus on helping my son and his girlfriend. I’ve researched possible colleges and sent messages to admissions to ask if the will waiver admission fees and deadlines, helping these destitute students. They need our support and love as they pick up the pieces and move on.

Amazon Prime

Here’s a little advice when you can take advantage of having a college student. Have your student sign up for Amazon Prime student and keep your information together so that you both can share the account. It’s $6.50 a month, less than a month of Netflix. I pay the fee and we both reap the benefits. With Amazon Prime, you get hundreds of streamed movies, free Kindle books, songs and photo storage. When you order from Amazon you get free two day shipping on all orders. We think it’s worth the fee and we can enjoy all the movies in the meantime.

Also if your student had Spotify Student they receive free Hulu, something else you can piggyback on.

 

 

It’s college break and our son has been home for a couple of weeks. Today Tom and I dropped off our college son at the train station for a trip south to his girlfriend’s house. It makes me so happy to see him thrilled, excited and independent for his first train ride. See my main page soon for A First Train Ride post.

 

This letting go feeling is getting easy for me! Although he’s grown and found his wings, he still loves home and us.  I wish a year ago I would have been able to foresee this…for I would’ve instantly felt a wave of relief. Thank God for life’s lessons…for they make us who we are. This empty nest lesson has revealed a new perspective, one of a strong mom who is living her life while her grown men are paving their paths. I wouldn’t want it any other way!

 

 

 

Here we are almost emerged into December! Can you believe that the Thanksgiving holiday is already in the past? We just enjoyed our family together and having our youngest son home from college. I think he enjoyed his bed and his room while he was home. He watched Christmas Vacation with us and we all laughed at Chevy Chase’s antics. No sooner had the vacation started then it was time to turn around and go back to college.

 

 

I think Branden was anxious to get back and settled. As he unlocked his dorm room I commented on how happy he must be to be back at home. ” It’s not like home, mom!” This surprised me! It shouldn’t have though, for I’ve been far away from home and missed it so much that I cried sometimes at night. Even if it was a very long time ago I still remember the longing to be back home! I know our son loves college and enjoys the classes and culture, even so,  it’s still not home. Honestly it fills my heart that he still has a love for home and as long as he wants it, his room will be here waiting.

 

 

In three weeks we do the journey south again to pick Branden up for Christmas vacation. I look forward to opening his door, getting his bed ready and talking to him during supper. It’s these little things that make me content.

 

 

 

 

 

11/10/17 Just ten more days until I pick up my son for the short Thanksgiving holiday! Yay! For a few days his room will be lived in with laundry on the floor and an unmade bed. Yet, this is far much better than the lonely ghost town it resembles now! The bed is neatly made and clothes are tucked into drawyers in an awkward silence.

 

What I love about this  holiday is the reunion of family. We talk, reminisce and laugh at our dining room table. We indulge in food and eat with vigor…for that’s what you do. While enjoying my family under the same roof, my heart swells with gratefulness for them and our healthy relationships. 

 

I can imagine that other moms and dads are looking forward to their college pick ups and family being together. What we can hope for is that our sons and daughters will always come home where ever they are or end up. I pray that my sons and their future families will always feel at home here and know that they are loved.

 

As I wrap this post up, I’m working on planning a half day off for the journey south to pick up my son. There will be heavy traffic and  other families traveling for the holiday. I expect a backpack crammed of homework and an overflowing hamper of dirty laundry. This is okay, it’s what I do…help my son and indulge in his company for a few fleeting days. It’s a chance to catch up with each other and make precious memories at the same time.

 

Blessings to you all. I truly hope you will connect with family or friends for Thanksgiving! 🙏

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember that letting your kids go means during the summer when they come home! I’ve jumped right back into my motherly routine of doing my son’s laundry, packing his lunch for work and helping him get up in the morning. But is this healthy for me and for him? I know it’s not but I’m a work in progress and the good news is that I do see this and that’s the first step to changing it!

 

Branden has been house sitting for a friend’s family and taking care of their dog, cat and chickens. It’s his first house sitting experience and he seems psyched for it. I have to admit that I kind of had a hard time wrapping my brain around it, especially since he has my car over there overnight. 

 

Even so, it’s happening all week. Something clicked within me last night when my son messaged me, involving me with his plans for feeding the pets and getting ready for his job at Lowe’s. Suddenly I was impressed that he was so responsible and paying close attention to details. He isn’t a little boy to tuck in at night but a grown man with responsibilities and a strong work ethic. So now I’m completely okay with his house sitting detail, him having my car and the continuous learning of how to cut the apron strings. Because I have faith in him and his capabilities!

 

I may continue to do some laundry to help him out but may think twice before doing the rest…for he is certainly capable and has earned it! Let me know if you have a similar situation or if you have learned to back off of your college student. I’m anxious to hear your story. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One year ago…

It’s approaching a month since my husband and I dropped off our youngest son at college. Already I’m learning fast about how this works and about myself.

 

Look at how happy my son was! He was off to start his new life!

 

 

First of all, I do bear a resemblance to a grown woman with a life other than the labels mother, wife, house maid, cook, laundry assistant, taxi, you get the idea, right? I am still doing and living these roles, yet a new woman is emerging now. A woman who wants to experience life without constant house work or obligations. I’ve started working more on writing and blogging, which is very exciting for me! Secondly this is time for my husband and I. We have a mere two years together alone and twenty with children. We don’t know any other life without the closeness and obligations of parenting a family, until now.

Now the bedrooms are empty and ours is the only occupied one. We have found a freedom of sorts, to do what we want without parenting restrictions. Most nights lately we eat watching tv, a stark difference from the table. It’s liberating to do it and laugh, all the while trusting that our sons will be okay in their new lives and we will as well. We go for car rides and relish the country scenery. What ever we long to do, we do now!

 

 

A year later…Summer 2017

We are fast approaching September 4th, the date my husband and I drop off our youngest at college. He will be a Sophomore majoring in Animation with a desire to work on movies.

 

I look back at myself a year ago and I see uncertainty and sadness for the empty nest I faced. All I knew was to be an involved mother and suddenly it was being jerked out of my grip, putting myself in the spotlight. Even though I cried a few times and felt the loneliness without my sons being here, I also felt ” a new lease on life”. There were so many possibilities that I could pursue and would have more time to try them without the daily mothering.

 

My husband and I on our first vacation without our sons, in Florida.

Dont get me wrong, I am still an involved mother but have given up much of my hold and given it to God. Let Him protect them daily, let them live their young lives with the tools Tom and I gave them.

 

 

Tom and I will drop off Branden in a few weeks with a busting car load of dorm items and necessities. I anticipate it being a smoother and less emotional day compared to last year. There will be a lunch together, lots  of hugs and reassurances that all will be well from our son. Then we will head home for our empty nest again…a way of life we got used to until May, when our son came home for the summer.

 

For all you empty nest mom’s out there, remember that ” this too shall pass” and that the sad and out of control feelings will die. Hopefully they will be replaced with happiness, liberation, and a new marriage for you and your husband. It’s an exciting adventure without the children and remember this…they will always come home!

All My Best,

Heart and Soul

❤❤❤

 

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